Sunday, February 7, 2010

Blushing with Nan

I finished watching Series 2 of The Catherine Tate Show. She's such a lovely and wonderfully talented lady.

I love her Nan character. Nan wears a sweater, just exactly like my mum used to have. In her later years, mum got a bit "Nan"-ish, tho' rarely swore. Mum really hated women swearing...or men who thought it OK to swear around ladies.

Mum was a bit...old school. She was raised strictly, with a huge empahsis on courtesy and manners.

I used to be a Meals on Wheels volunteer, back in the mid-90's, in-between jobs, and before I went back to college full-time. I used to help package the food at the local senior centre, then get in the van, and be driven around the town and rural areas, delivering hot meals to shut-in's and sick people.

One of the women I used to deliver to, was a spry, white-haired 80-something woman named Ida. She used to work as a seamstress, back in the days when the Arrow Shirt Co., used to have a factory in the town.

Well, this lady used to openly talk about her sexual escapades as a young woman, and also had a mouth pretty much like your average trucker...and I dated a trucker (sort of--he kept forgetting to show up for the dates he'd made with me), and also was a trucking permit agent when I was around 24 years old. So, I should know about trucker language.

Well, Ida also used to ride the senior's van into the city, on shopping trips. The van would take old people who couldn't or didn't drive, into the nearby city and suburbs 8 or 10 mis away, once or twice a month, to go shopping at K-mart or Walmart, or weherever.

I used to go along with them sometimes, cos' for several years I was without a car, and mum was living with me. She was in a wheelchair part of the time. She could manage to get about the flat, and go for short walks, as long as she had her cane--but any lengthy walks or shopping trips required a wheelchair.

Yours truly had to push the wheelchair, so I went on shopping trips with the seniors. Well, I didn't mind. I like older folks, and it was a chance for me to get out of the rural town for a few hours, wasn't it?

Anyway, I'd ride along with mum in the van--but I'd sit up front, cos' the lazy old fart who was the van driver, didn't like to pry his lard-bottom out of the comfy seat, to help the seniors up into the big maroon people carrier the town used to transport seniors. I would jump out at each stop, and help those seniors who needed a boost, up into the back of the van.

One winter day, we're picking up seniors at their flats and homes, and Ida comes out, and I'm waiting to help her into the van, and she starts to slip on the icy floor of the sidewalk!

I rush to grab her, to keep her from falling, and 80-something Ida turns to me, and, gasping for breath, says, "Wow! I almost split my pus_y!"

Whoa. My mum never said anything like that! No one I know has ever said anything like that! I was a bit nonplussed...and probably blushing like hell.

But, then, she laughed, and I suddenly couldn't stop giggling. God, that was funny!

No comments:

Post a Comment