Say No to Pink Tu-Tu's

Dogs cannot actually speak for themselves but some special individuals feel like they can communicate with them on a level that not just anyone can. I am one of these people. That's right. I'm not a cracker jack--I just understand these furry creatures because I pay attention. And many of them have collectively asked me to share a particular message with all you folks who don't seem able to communicate with their pets but do love them and have the best intentions, however misguided they end up being. Ready for the message? Here it is:

Dogs don't like to be dressed in clothes.

Gasp! I know, I know. Were you sitting down? I should've warned you but alas, it's true. Amazingly, there aren't doggie clothing stores in the wild and yet, dogs of all breeds manage to survive cool--even cold--weather in just their skin and--get this--fur.

How can people claim to adore their pets and then proceed to humiliate them by dressing them in clothes? Sweaters, rain coats, sparkly beaded shirts. The look of discomfort and humiliation on the animals' faces who are relegated to walking in front of their doggie friends in such a display is so sad. Usually it's the smaller dogs who are subjected to such nonsense (why is this? Probably because more people who really wish they had children to "baby" end up with small dogs they can more easily child-substitute with: holding, cradling, pushing in strollers and, yes, dressing) but today was the ultimate indignity that finally prompted me to make this announcement on behalf of dogs everywhere. Walking down the street was a grown man in a Chicago Bears jersey walking a big black lab wearing--you guessed it--a Chicago Bears jersey. Really? This is how you "man up" your dog? As I drove by, the dog literally rolled his eyes at me and gestured up at his moronic owner. All I could do was roll my eyes back and shrug my shoulders. And off they went--the man walking unencumbered, and the dog walking, with his legs stuck through sleeve holes, encumbered.

Please, if you truly love dogs, let them be dogs. And dogs do not wear sports jerseys, sweaters, hats, sunglasses or pink tu-tu's. Ever.